Divorcing A High Conflict Person

You are married to a person who engages in tactics that are considered “high conflict” or has a “high conflict” personality.  What is a “high conflict” personality? It is where the person engages in behavior that increases conflict or keeps conflicts or disputes going, instead of trying to resolve them.

If you are getting divorced to a high conflict person, here are a few ideas:

#1: Don’t sweat the small stuff:  If your high conflict spouse is arguing about the high-end barbeque grill or some other piece of personal property, then most likely the fight over this piece of property is not worth it.  Most personal property has limited value, mainly because it is “used.”  Instead of wasting time and legal fees over a piece of personal property, focus on the more important issues.  This doesn’t mean that you simply forget about the personal property.  Instead, make a list of what personal property is important to you and give it to your divorce attorney.  This way, your attorney can determine if there is even a conflict between what personal property you want versus what your spouse wants.

#2: Inform your attorney, that your spouse has a high conflict personality:  You know your spouse much better than your attorney.  Your attorney needs to know that your spouse has a high conflict personality, so that they can properly prepare.  In addition, you and your attorney can come up with a plan on what is important and what to expect.

#3: Walk away, don’t engage:  With a high-conflict spouse, the best thing you can do is to ignore their comments and their attempts to get you involved in an argument.  If you and your spouse are still living in the same household, then the best thing you can do is to stay as far away from your spouse as possible.  If your spouse starts to engage with you, then you need to just “walk away”.  If you and your spouse do not live together, but you are getting constant text messages or emails, then the best thing to do is to ignore them or just send one response at the end of the day.

#4: Talk to a therapist.  You may want to talk to a therapist who can help you in specific situations that your high-conflict spouse engages in.

#5: Join a support group:  If you can find a support group of other people divorcing, then that might be another way to get support in the divorce process.

If you have a high-conflict spouse and you are considering getting a divorce or are already involved in a divorce on Long Island, then David Badanes can help you. The Badanes Law Office, P.C. has helped hundreds of clients in Suffolk County, Nassau County and in New York City in their divorce.

If you are seeking a divorce, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

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