How to Divorce A Narcissist

Divorce is a complicated process that is becomes even more difficult when you’re dealing with a narcissist. Here are a few things to keep in mind when divorcing a narcissist.

What is a narcissist? A narcissist is a person who is extremely self-centered, beyond what is considered normal. Narcissism in a spouse can take many forms, including never admitting to their faults, feeling the need to take control of their children or spouse’s lives, and a distorted sense of self.

How do I know if I’m dealing with a narcissist? In many situations, a narcissist may refuse to hand over important documentation or information, make false claims about the marriage, or offer a settlement in an insincere manner. A narcissistic spouse may also offer to try using a mediator instead of going to trial. It may be difficult to reach a settlement with a narcissist as they will be unwilling to compromise due to their inflated ego.

How can I deal with a narcissist? Dealing with a narcissist can be very difficult during the divorce process. The best way to handle a narcissistic spouse is as follows. The first thing you can do is recognize your spouse’s narcissism and understand that this will further complicate the divorce process.

Second, you will need to prepare any documentation and information pertaining to the marriage including financial information such as bank statements, shared assets, retirement funds etc.

Third, if you negotiate with a narcissistic spouse, be prepared for disingenuous offers. All offers should be made in writing. In this manner, you should be able to maintain control over the negotiation process.

Fourth, you should also be prepared for a narcissistic spouse to use money as a weapon in the divorce proceedings, whether they are the higher earning spouse or not. The narcissist will try to delay the divorce, so in return you should alert the court to their delaying tactics.

Fifth, it is important to master the art of just saying “no.”  If your narcissistic spouse makes an unreasonable request to you, deny them, do not take anytime to “think about it.”

Divorcing a narcissist is no easy task, but it can be done if you have access to the right tools and resources.

If you are thinking of getting a divorce you need a professional who will help you throughout the entire process. David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web sitewww.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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Incorporating Summer Plans into Your Divorce Agreements

The start of summer means the start of camps, pool play dates, beach days, vacations, barbecues and more. For a divorced family, this could also mean conflict, disagreement and clashing plans. Therefore, it is important to have a summer strategy in place within a divorce agreement to avoid serious issues later on. If you are going through a divorce or are considering a divorce, and you have children, you should think and plan for issues that summertime might bring.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared advice on what divorced parents should include concerning summer in a divorce agreement.

  • Camp: Sending kids to summer camp is a popular choice for parents and kids everywhere. Whether kids attend day camp or sleepaway camp, this is a great option to fill the long summer days. Getting divorced should not change plans for a child attending camp. If your children typically attend summer camp, it is a good idea to continue this tradition. It is important to keep as much consistency in a child’s life as possible when a family goes through divorce. In many situations, a court may order you to continue sending your children to camp. Although your finances may be stretched thin, it is important to keep consistency a priority in your children’s lives. The parent who pays for camp will depend on the income of both parties. Camp is typically viewed as a substitute for childcare, and in those situations, payment is in proportion to your income (pro-rata).
  • Vacation: Summertime often equals vacation time, and your divorce agreement should allow time for a summer vacation with your children. In a typical agreement, you should have two weeks of vacation time with your children, but they may not be consecutive weeks. Where you go on vacation is up to you, but keep in mind that you may not be able to afford what you could prior to the divorce. You could always do some searching on the internet for vacation ideas within your budget.
  • “Staycation:” If you are unable to afford a vacation, you could always enjoy a “staycation,” and explore the fun areas of where you live. If you live here on Long Island, there are many options for an awesome “staycation” including the beach, New York City, museums, parks, and trips to Fire Island, Montauk, or the East End.

It is important to include summer plans in your divorce agreement. Remember to think about specifics for camp and vacations so you can avoid any issues after the divorce is final. As always, keep your children the priority and consider what is the best-case scenario for the children to have a fun summer, full of adventure, and quality time with both parents.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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What to Know About Pet Custody in Divorce

In addition to child custody, more and more often, couples who divorce find themselves fighting over “pet custody.” You may consider your pet as part of the family. Yet, until recently, courts considered pets as property, no different than a piece of furniture. However, courts now realize the “cherished status afforded to pets in our society.” Although, pets are still considered “property,” they understand that pets should be treated differently than other types of property.

In many situations, couples facing the issue of “who gets the pet,” find that mediation may help them work through this issue. For those couples where mediation isn’t right, then the Court and a Judge may have to get involved. In considering who keeps the pet, a Judge would consider the following factors: (i) who paid for the pet; (ii) whose name is listed as the owner of the pet; (iii) who took the pet to the veterinarian; (iv) who bore the primary responsibility for caring for the pet; and (v) who held themselves out as the owner of the pet through their words and actions.

Some other factors that may be considered are who is in the better position to meet the pet’s daily physical and emotional needs based on a healthy, active lifestyle, time constraints, type of home and yard, emotional bond, safety concerns, access to the outdoor and access to veterinary care and pet stores.

Overriding all the above, is whether the parties have children and a pet. In those situations, typically, the pet will follow the children. In other words, when the children are with one parent, the pet is with that parent as well. When the children go with the other parent, the pet follows.  Many parents find this solution works for the children, themselves, and the pet.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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How Dads Can Get Visitation Time With Their Children on Father’s Day When Going Through Divorce

When you go through a divorce, there are a lot of adjustments that need to be made, including time with your kids for holidays. When it comes to Father’s Day, parenting time for that day should go to the dad but enforcing this time might be difficult. If you are having difficulty getting your visitation time for Father’s Day, there are steps you can take to resolve the issue.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared advice on how to navigate this difficult situation:

  • Document everything. You should keep a log of every time your ex prevents you from seeing your children and/or every time your ex is late returning your children. Make sure the log includes the date and a brief description of what happened. For example, an entry in the log might look like: 6/10/2021- Jane did not bring back our son. I texted her, she said he wasn’t feeling well, but, when I asked to speak to him, she refused to put him on the phone.
  • Have a conversation with your ex. When there is conflict surrounding visitation time, the first step is to discuss it with your ex. Ideally, the situation will be resolved outside of court for the sake of parents and children.
  • If you can’t reach a resolution, see an attorney. If discussions do not lead to change, then you should contact an attorney as soon as possible. If this step is necessary, don’t delay in taking it because time with your child will suffer if you wait. Keep in mind that your lawyer may want to send a letter first before going to court.
  • Continue with child support. If an existing court order is already in place, make sure you keep up with child support payments until a court issues an order changing the arrangement.
  • Do what you can in the meantime. If there are serious issues with not getting parenting time, this could take a while to change in court. And while this step is necessary, it doesn’t mean you stop being a parent in the meantime. Make plans to do fun activities with your kids on Father’s Day and do what you can to speak with them/spend time with them. If your intentional planning still doesn’t change the situation for this Father’s Day, tell your kids your plans for the future. This will let them know you want to spend time with them and are thinking about them.

Divorce can be messy, but the priority of both parents should be for the “mess” to affect the children as little as possible. However, because feelings are involved, a parent may believe they are acting in the child’s best interests even if they are not. This is why a lawyer is necessary in some cases to resolve conflicts between parents going through a divorce. While these negotiations may change what your Father’s Day looks like, remember that this day comes around every year, so there will be more opportunities to spend this special day with your kids the way you want to.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702 or email at david@dbnylaw.com.

The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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What You Should and Should Not Do On Dating Apps During Divorce

On June 30th we recognize an innovation that has changed society and the lives of everyone: World Social Media Day. Social media has redefined our lives and habits for better or worse, depending on the way you look at it. At the very least, social media is complicated. So, when you introduce an already complicated thing, social media, to an even more complicated thing, divorce, the consequences can be significant.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared advice on how to navigate social media, specifically dating apps, during a divorce.

Dating App Information is Public: There are dozens of dating apps you could use, but no matter what, your information on the app is public. Anything on your profile could be used against you in your divorce, so think twice before you hit the post button.

Be Careful with Who You Meet: Dating apps are tricky and the person you meet on a dating app may not be completely truthful, so be careful when you meet with them. And be especially careful with introducing people you meet on a dating app to your children.

Don’t Spend a Lot of Money on Dating Apps: If you spend significant sums of money on a dating app and/or on dates, it is difficult for you to claim you have no extra money during divorce negotiations.

Make Sure Dating Isn’t Taking Up Too Much Time: Dating by itself is not something the court would be concerned about, but a court will be concerned if you are spending more time on dating apps or on dating in general than you are with your kids.

When in Doubt, Just Wait: In general, it is best not to date during a divorce for the sake of your kids, mental health and negotiations. This includes using dating apps, so it might be better for you to wait to download the app until after the divorce is finalized.

In many ways social media is helpful and fun, but when it comes to a divorce, social media and dating apps may just complicate things even more. Keep this in mind with the things you post and the apps you download if you are in the process of a divorce.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702 or email at david@dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

 

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The Ten Steps to Getting a Divorce – The Basic How-To Guide

Divorce is a complicated and stressful situation for everyone involved. And even if you decide divorce is the best decision for yourself and your family, the process of getting a divorce may feel daunting. However, there are specific steps you can take to ease the transition. Following these steps as you approach getting a divorce will help alleviate your apprehension about the process.

Here is the Basic “How-To-Guide” on getting a divorce and the ten steps you can take for a smooth separation:

  1. Make a Priority List: If you are thinking of getting a divorce, the first thing you should do is make a list of what is most important to you—your priority list.  Remember, what is important to you might be trivial to others. For example, couples with young children will likely prioritize their kids on their list.  But for couples with older children or adult children, their retirement funds might be at the top of their list. Keep this priority list for future reference.  During the divorce process, many issues will come up and you want to keep your focus on what is important to you, not something inconsequential.
  2. Research Potential Divorce Attorneys:  Once you know what is important to you, you should research potential divorce attorneys.  You should hire an attorney who specializes in divorce cases and you should interview at least three different attorneys. Do not choose the attorney who promises you that you will get everything you want – that is just unrealistic.
  3. Obtain the Funds to Hire the Attorney and Start the Process:  You will need to have the funds to hire the attorney of your choice.  Every attorney has a slightly different fee structure and will explain to you how much money you need to start the process.
  4. Obtain your Financial Documents:  In just about every contested divorce, you will need to obtain important financial documents. You will need at least these following documents: tax returns, bank statements, credit card statements and retirement statements.  Most attorneys will accept PDF (electronic) copies of these statements. Your attorney will provide you with a more comprehensive list.
  5. Make a Budget:  Eventually post-divorce, you will be responsible for your own finances and will need to have your own budget. It is important to start computing your expenses and your income from the very beginning of the divorce process to prevent any surprises when it’s completed.
  6. Open New Banking Accounts:  Ask your attorney first, but you should be able to open up new individual bank accounts during the divorce process. Once you are divorced, you will need new accounts, so the sooner you have one, the better.
  7. Get a Credit Report and Credit Card:  You can obtain a free credit report from several sources.  You may want to obtain a new credit card and use it for “new” expenses.
  8. Get New Wills, Health Care Proxy, and Power of Attorney:  Whether or not you already have a Will, Health Care Proxy, or Power of Attorney – now is a good time to get one.  You do not want your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to have these powers.
  9. Listen to Your Attorney – Not Your Friends or Family:  During your divorce, you will get lots of free advice from your friends and family.  Your friends/family mean well, but, unless they themselves are divorce attorneys in your State (each State has their own divorce laws), take their advice with a “large grain of salt”.  Listen to your attorney and follow his/her advice.  You hired an expert for a reason.
  10. But, It’s “OK” to Join a Support Group or Find a Mental Health Professional:  Many people who are going through a divorce find it helpful to either find a “divorce support group” or to go to a mental health professional (social worker, psychologist etc.). The support group is there to give you emotional support – not legal advice.  The same would go for any mental health professional.

If you are thinking of getting a divorce you need a professional who will help you throughout the entire process. David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time

If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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Children’s Sports Participation After Divorce

Divorce is an already complicated process that can get even more complex when the case at hand involves children. There are many elements to discuss when it comes to children that should be included in the official divorce agreement. One important aspect that cannot be overlooked is a discussion about the children’s participation in activities such as sports. Children often deeply care about sports, and since these activities require money, scheduling, and transportation, it is a topic that is necessary to discuss in a divorce agreement.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared what should be discussed in a divorce agreement between parents of a child who participates in sports.

  • Payment: Parents should discuss and decide who will pay for registration fees, who will pay for equipment (shoes, pads, uniforms, etc.) and who will pay for travel expenses. These expenses may recur every month, season and/or year, so a payment plan should be outlined in the agreement.
  • Transportation: When children participate in sports, they commit to attending practice, home games and away games. Divorced parents need to arrange who will transport the child to all these events, especially games that are out-of-town.
  • Participation: Divorced parents should agree upon how many sports the children are allowed to participate in at a given time. Scheduling is an important factor to consider when looking into the time your child has available to put aside for sports.

In addition to ensuring these necessary elements are a part of the divorce agreement, divorced parents should also strive to put the needs of the children first at sports events and put their own personal issues aside. Mr. David Badanes Esq. recommends divorced parents of children in sports heed these specific reminders.

  • Both parents can attend sporting events. Even if the child has parenting time with a specific parent during the time of a sports activity, both parents can still attend the event. A custody schedule does not prohibit parents from seeing their child at sports games.
  • Let the child choose. When it comes to which sports the child participates in, it should always be the child’s choice. The type of sports the child participates in should not be according to what a parent wants. Though a parent may be extremely passionate about a specific sport, children’s interests often change day by day—a child may want to play basketball one day and soccer the next.
  • You are there to cheer on your child. Your child’s sports event is not the place to discuss anything about the divorce or post-divorce issues. While attending the event, refrain from fighting with your ex-spouse. Instead focus your attention to your child playing his/her game.

If your child participates in sports, it is vital the divorce agreement determines all issues involved in the child’s sports participation. This will allow for a smoother transition for not only the parents, but most importantly the children who will inevitably feel the stress of the divorce as well.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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College and High School Graduation for Divorced Parents

College and high school graduation are a time for celebration, and this should not change for a family with divorced parents. The focus of graduation ceremonies and parties should always be the child; divorced parents need to remember this and act in a way that puts the child first. This milestone may look different for each family depending on the dynamic, but the ultimate goal at hand for every family should be to prioritize the best interests of the child.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared advice on how divorced parents can enjoy their child’s graduation, so that it remains a celebration.

  • Parents should receive the tickets. When a couple separates, new partners often come into the family, but, regardless of how involved new partners are in a child’s life, the child’s parents should receive graduation tickets first. If a child receives extra tickets to a graduation, new partners can use the extra tickets in that situation. If you do not have enough tickets for the parents and new partners, talk to the principal of the high school or college to see if they could provide any extra tickets.
  • There is no need to sit together. Parents are there to support their child, but this does not mean they need to sit in the same place. If sitting together could take the focus off the child, then divorced parents should choose to sit apart.
  • If you see your ex-spouse, be cordial. A graduation is not the time to discuss the divorce or argue with your ex-spouse. Your child will be watching you and will sense if you fight with your ex. Keep the focus on the child.
  • Parties can be together or separate. If you get along with your ex-spouse, a joint graduation party may be a good idea. However, if you suspect this could lead to conflict, then separate graduation parties may be a better decision. Just ensure the parties occur on different days.
  • Do not compete with your ex. If your ex can afford an expensive graduation party or gift, do not feel the need to match their expense with a party or gift you cannot afford. There is no need to compete with your ex over gifts for your child—your child knows and understands your financial situation.

Graduation ceremonies and parties are wonderful opportunities to celebrate your child and separated parents should do everything they can to maintain this celebration. This may look different for each family, but everyone should make decisions in the best interests of the child.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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The Do’s and Don’ts of Buying or Renting Homes During A Divorce

Whether you’re being issued divorce papers or you’re already in the midst of your divorce process, eventually you will need to consider your options for buying or renting a new home. There are no one-size fits all scenarios when it comes to a divorce case, and because each situation is different, you should always consider consulting your attorney before making any rash decisions on renting or buying a home.

Divorce attorneys are there to help guide you through the legal process and act as an advocate for all decisions made before, during, and after. Mr. David Badanes, Esq. of Badanes Law Office has provided insight on what to do and what not to do when it comes to finding a new place of residence exploring budget, maintenance, size, and location.

What to Do:

  • Build a Budget: Make sure you have the budget to buy or rent a home after the divorce – remember you most likely will have less income after the divorce is finalized. Before you even start looking for a new place to stay it is helpful to establish a budget range taking into consideration your new source of income, legal fees, and additional costs you may have not been covering on your own.
  • Evaluate Your Needs: Every divorce is different and there are a number of outside elements to keep in mind as you start to establish what you’re looking for in a home. Ask yourself questions relating to the size of your family, who you might want visiting, and your child’s needs. You will want to be sure that the new house is not too big or too small and if you have children that the new home is close to your ex-spouse and perhaps in an area that has other children.
  • Visit On-Site: Ever see something that looks too good to be true online? While sometimes that’s just the case and it’s entirely different once you see it in person. It is essential that you take the time to visit each place you’re considering on-site when shopping for a new home. You should also go with a friend or family member to get a second opinion.
  • Make a Pros and Cons List: After you begin finding some homes to consider, you may want to build out a pros and cons list for each home in consideration. You can make a spreadsheet outlining each home and benefits and drawbacks of items like maintenance, amenities, size, location, and more.
  • Read the Agreements: Whether you plan on buying or renting, you need to read the agreements extremely closely and more than once. It is a big decision to be making and going through a divorce is stressful enough. The last thing you need is to add to your stress by signing a lease or deposit before knowing what you are getting yourself into.

What Not to Do:

  • Avoid Fixer Uppers: If you are going to buy, then you may not want to take on a house that needs a lot of work. Often times these houses sell for an attractive price, but you may not have the money to fix it up. Additionally, if you plan on renting, it is not worth putting extra time and money into renovations when you may not be there for too long.
  • Don’t Go Alone: The process of finding a new home can be a scary and overwhelming. There is no need to go through it alone – so find a friend or loved one to join you on the journey. It will be great to have a second pair of eyes and good company can make an otherwise daunting task feel more enjoyable.
  • Don’t Rush the Process: A divorce is not always quick and easy, and more often than not it takes a lot of time to get the results you want. Similarly, a new home for yourself is a big decision to make and you want to carefully consider all of your options before pulling trigger.

No matter the case or background on the divorce, often it will result in someone moving into a new place of residence. These recommendations from Mr. David Badanes Esq. are there to help make your process as quick and easy as possible.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web sitewww.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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The Toll That Divorce Has On Your Mental Health

Divorce has been recognized as the second most stressful life event you can experience, second only to death of a spouse. The level of effect it has on an individual’s mental health can be detrimental depending on the level of conflict that occurred during the process. The more conflict, the more likely it will have a negative effect on all parties involved in the process including but not limited to the couple separating, their families and friends, and even those representing the case legally.

Mr. David Badanes, Esq. shared some of the most common behaviors and changes noticed among clients and their families and friends facing a divorce.

  • Mental Illness: Divorce increases the risk of individuals developing mental illness such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD to name a few. Going through an event as stressful as this can trigger onset of these illnesses later in life or make them worse for those who are already diagnosed.
  • Grief: The stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When you are first starting this process, you may feel denial that a divorce is really happening. Anger is a common emotion that usually follows denial where you start to blame either yourself or others in the falling out of the marriage. You may be tempted to reconcile your marriage – even if it is beyond repair and start to bargain with yourself internally and with your ex-spouse. Depression is often the most common and longest lasting stage in a divorce process when feelings of guilt and shame take over. Finally, you’ll reach acceptance and may realize that the divorce is inevitable.
  • Physical Health: Mental health issues can play a large role in your physical health as well. Those struggling with depression, anxiety and other illness may find that they are either eating too little or too much. Sleep quality may worsen leading to a weaker immune system. Additionally, studies examining how stress effects the body have found that cardiovascular health is affected negatively, and they have a much higher risk of developing physical health problems after a divorce.
  • Behavioral Changes: Stemming from the stressful feelings and emotions that surround divorce, often times individuals compensate for it in form of unhealthy behavioral changes. These can include drug abuse, decreased productivity, and engaging in other unhealthy coping mechanisms.

There is no guarantee that facing a divorce means you will have to face all of the negative feelings and behaviors that may come along with it. You can take proactive actions take to prevent the decline of your mental and physical health. Doing simple tasks like scheduling a doctor’s appointment or checking in with a therapist or support group can make a huge difference. Additionally, working on instilling healthy habits into your life like exercise and hobbies can be great for improving your well-being.

No matter the case, divorce and its aftermath can be devastating to all individuals being impacted. A good attorney realizes that divorce can be stressful, so they reduce the amount of stress by making sure that the legal aspects of your divorce are handled in the most efficient way possible.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need a divorce lawyer to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web sitewww.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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