What to Say to the Attorney for the Child

In many child custody and divorce cases, an Attorney for the Child (“AFC”) is appointed by the Court to represent the child (or children) in a child custody case or in a divorce case involving children.  The AFC will meet with the child and sometimes meet with each parent.  In court, the AFC represents the child’s interests.  If there is a trial, as with any attorney, the AFC   can call witnesses and present evidence.

Here are some tips on what to say, what not to say and how to interact with the AFC  .

#1:  Remember the Attorney for the Child is NOT your attorney.  Anything you say to the AFC is NOT confidential and can be brought in as evidence.  Therefore, you do not want to state any “secrets” to the AFC .

#2: Do not say anything negative or “bash” the other parent.  Do not say anything negative about the other parent.  The AFC is there to be the child’s attorney, not to hear what is negative about the other parent.

#3: Stick to the “facts”.  Instead of saying negative things about the other parent.  Just state the facts.  For example, if you were the stay-at-home parent, you can mention that.  If you were the parent that went to parent-teacher meetings, you can mention that.  If the other parent was arrested for drunk driving, you can mention that fact – however, don’t say, the other parent is an alcoholic. More examples: “ Instead of saying “She’s an alcoholic”, you can say: “She was arrested for DWI in 2025”; Instead of saying: “He never helps with the children”, you can say: “I typically take the children to school, all their medical appointments and their extracurricular activities.”

#4:  What to say to your Child:  The AFC will meet with your child, typically privately.  Before they do, you should let your child know that someone is going to meet with them and talk to them. You can say it is one of your “friends”.   You do not have to say that it is the “child’s attorney” – the AFC will go over that with them.  Indeed, it is best not to use the terms like “lawyer”, “court” or “custody”.  Remember to keep your discussions with your child age-appropriate and calm.

#5: What NOT to say to your Child:  Do NOT tell the child what to say or try to rehearse with your child in any way.  Do NOT tell the child that they should tell the AFC that they want to live with you.  Do NOT “coach” the child.  If the Court, the AFC or the other parent’s attorney discovers that you influenced the child, rehearsed with them or coached them, this will have a very negative effect on you in your case.  Indeed, that could be the only reason why the other parent will be awarded custody.

#6: Present a “clean” and “orderly” house/apartment:  If the AFC comes to your house/apartment, you want to make sure that your house/apartment is safe and clean.  If the child is a baby or a toddler, then make sure the home is childproofed.  Remember, first impressions go along way in any case.  You want the first impression of you home to be a positive one for the AFC.

#7:  Some Questions that the Attorney for the Child might ask to you:  The AFC might ask some basic questions about the child.  You can answer these questions.  Here are some sample questions they might ask:

• What school does the child attend?
• How does the child get to school ? (bus, walk, you drive him/her)
• What time does school start and end?
• Who takes the child to school?
• What days do you work?
• When do you leave for work and what time do you get home from work?
• What is the child’s doctor’s name, address and phone number?
• What are the names of the child’s teachers?
• What are the names of the child’s friends?

#8:  Questions you should NOT answer:  You should not answer the following questions (or similar ones).  If you are asked these questions, you should tell the Attorney for the Child that you will have to consult with your attorney before answering these questions.

• What did you pay for your house/apartment?
• The other parent says you “work off the books”, is that true?
• How much money do you have in your bank account?
• What kind of retirement funds do you have?

Of course, you should be considerate and friendly when meeting with the AFC.  Although, you may be nervous, try to be relaxed.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. have provided real world advice to their clients, including advice on what to say to the Attorney for the Child.  If you have a child custody matter or child custody is part of your divorce, and have questions about what to say to the Attorney for the Child, then contact David Badanes, Esq., today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

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