Kids Away From Home? How to Face Divorce Alone

When two parents get divorced, there is a time of transition all members of the family will have to face. With a life-altering change like this one, there are many smaller changes that will be felt even stronger than they may have before. In particular, the transition of children moving away from home can be a challenging one to navigate. As a recently divorced parent this may be your first time living alone in years, and this transition could be shocking or distressing.

When you live alone again for the first time in a long time, the home may feel unnaturally silent. Even with the TV on or music playing, it may still feel strange to not hear the voices and sounds you were used to hearing. However, there is research that suggests silence is good for your mental health. This change may be difficult, but it allows room for growth and opportunity.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island shared some suggestions on how to adjust to an increase in alone time after divorce.

  • Trying new hobbies or getting back into old ones is a great way to spend your new alone time. New experiences or returning to hobbies you used to love will help you adjust to a new routine and your new life. Below are a couple of hobbies that may be especially helpful to a newly divorced person.
    • Learn to cook. Cooking is a great hobby that has a positive impact on your life. Especially if you were not the spouse that usually did the cooking, taking a cooking class will improve your lifestyle.
    • Your mental health may suffer when you go through a divorce, so it’s important to take care of it as best you can. One way to do that is to get exercise. Getting exercise can release endorphins that make you feel good and can improve your alertness. In addition, exercise is a great hobby that will take up time and get you out of the house, especially if you join a gym.
  • Host a party. It’s important to strengthen your friendships and relationships after divorce. This will allow you to see a life outside of your previous marriage. A great, fun way to engage with your friends is to have a party. If you just moved, you could have a house-warming party to show your friends your new place.
  • Join a support group. This is another great way to care for your mental health after divorce. You may feel isolated or alone without your kids in the house and with your new alone time, but you are not isolated. Joining a support group will help you experience this and meet other people going through a similar time.

After divorce, there will be an abundance of changes in your life, especially regarding your personal life and routines. As daunting as these changes may initially seem, they are manageable. The intense time of transition will go away in time as you get used to your new life.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need a divorce lawyer to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702 or email at The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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What Are The Differences In Getting Divorced After A Long-Term Marriage?

If your marriage is longer than 25 years and you are getting divorced, there are several potential differences than divorces of couples who are married for less than 20 years.

Typically, marriages of longer than 25 years, the children are either over the age of 18, in college or teenagers. If the children are over the age of 18, there are no issues of custody, as children over 18 years of age are considered adults and not subject to custody. However, you are still responsible to pay child support until a child is 21 years of age.

If the children are older teenagers, then although custody is still technically an issue, the children will have a lot to say as to which parent has custody.

Another difference is that the amount of years that one parent may have to pay spousal maintenance (a.k.a. alimony) is potentially longer for a long-term marriage than a short-term marriage. In New York, typically the amount of years one person may have to pay spousal maintenance is typically based on the length of the marriage, the longer the marriage, the longer the maintenance.

In longer marriages, the married couple may have more assets, or their major asset, their home, may have more net equity than in other shorter-term marriages. Although, the rule is the same, that is, typically all marital assets are divided 50/50, with more assets to divide, their may be more room to trade off assets. For example, one spouse may keep the marital home, but that same spouse may waive the other spouse’s pension.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. have handled numerous long-term marriages. David Badanes understands the unique issues and situation that longer-term marriages experience. If you are seeking legal advice, about your divorce, contact David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. can be contacted at 631-239-1702, email at or visit our web site: The Badanes Law Office, P.C. has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and in Uniondale, Nassau County.

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Dealing With Lack Of Control In A Divorce

When going through a divorce, you may feel that you have little or no control over what your soon-to-be-ex-spouse does, especially when it comes to your children. 

In many divorces, your ex-spouse may not follow your advice as it pertains to your children, for example: (i) not making sure the children do their homework; (ii) not dressing the children properly; (iii) keeping the children up past their typical bed time; or (iv) engaging the children in “risky” behavior.

Depending on the seriousness of what actions your ex-spouse is engaging in, there are ways to help you deal with this “lack of control.”  If it is a truly serious offense, then you must immediately inform your attorney.  Your attorney can request an emergency court hearing to deal with any serious issues.  In this context, “serious”, doesn’t necessarily mean “life or death”, but, it should rise to the level that if some immediate action is not taken, it would result in immediate and harmful consequences.  Of course, if you are not sure, it is always to err on the side of caution, and let your attorney decide if an emergency court hearing is warranted.

However, if the issue is less than a serious one, then you have to decide how you are going to deal with the issue.  You should know for minor issues, the Court is going to have little control over how your ex-spouse behaves, so, going to court, may not be your best option.  Instead, first, try talking to your ex-spouse and explain your issues.  Try not to blame him/her for their behavior, instead, tell that person how you feel and why you think it is important.

Second, perhaps talking to a mutual friend, or one of the ex-spouse’s relatives may help in resolving the issue.

Third, it may help to realize, that you will have to relinquish control.  When it comes to your children, there are many times that you relinquish control, but, do so voluntarily and without issue.  For example, you take your children to school, or take your children to a friend’s house.  In those situations, you also lose some amount of control, yet, you may not feel the same level of anxiety. If you need help, you may need to seek counseling in order to help you through the process.

Finally, most parents discover that over time, they feel more in control, and the level of stress becomes less and less. 

For practical advice about your divorce, contact David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, PC. at 631-239-1702, email at or visit our web site:  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

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