Tag: child custody

What To Say To The Attorney For The Child

by David Badanes | October 17, 2022

In many custody cases, an Attorney for the Child is appointed by the Court to represent the child (or children) in a child custody case or in a divorce case involving children. The Attorney for the Child will meet with the child and sometimes meet with each parent.  In court, the Attorney for the Child represents the child’s interests. If there is a trial, as with any attorney, the Attorney for the Child can call witnesses and present evidence.

Here are some tips on what to say and how to approach the Attorney for the Child.

#1:  Remember the Attorney for the Child is NOT your attorney. Therefore, anything you say to the Attorney for the Child is NOT confidential and can be brought in as evidence. Therefore, you do not want to state any “secrets” to the Attorney for the Child.

#2:  What to say to your Child:  The Attorney for the Child will meet your child. Before they do, you should let your child know that someone is going to meet with them and talk to them. You do not have to say that it is the “child’s attorney” – the Attorney for the Child will go over that with them.

#3: What NOT to say to your Child:  Do NOT tell the child what to say or try to rehearse with your child in any way. Do NOT tell the child that they should tell the Attorney for the Child that they want to live with you. Do NOT “coach” the child. If the Court, the Attorney for the Child or the other parent’s attorney discovers that you influenced the child, rehearsed with them or coached them, this will have a very negative effect on you in your case. Indeed, that could be the only reason why the other parent will be awarded custody.

#4: Present a “clean” and “orderly” house/apartment: If the Attorney for the Child comes to your house/apartment, you want to make sure that your house/apartment is clean. If the child is a baby or a toddler, then make sure the home is childproofed.  Remember, first impressions go along way in any case. You want the first impression of you home to be a positive one for the Attorney for the Child.

#5: Questions to answer: It is okay to answer the following questions (or similar ones):

  • What school does the child attend?
  • How does the child get to school? (bus, walk, you drive him/her)
  • What time does school start and end?
  • Who takes the child to school?
  • What days do you work?
  • When do you leave for work and what time do you get home from work?
  • What is the child’s doctor’s name, address and phone number?
  • What are the names of the child’s teachers?
  • What are the names of the child’s friends?

#6: Questions you should NOT answer: You should not answer the following questions (or similar ones).  If you are asked these questions, you should tell the Attorney for the Child that you will have to consult with your attorney before answering these questions.

  • What did you pay for your house/apartment?
  • The other parent says you “work off the books”, is that true?
  • How much money do you have in your bank account?
  • What kind of retirement funds do you have?

Of course, you should be considerate and friendly when meeting with the Attorney for the Child.  Although, you may be nervous, try to be relaxed.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. have provided real world advice to their clients, including advice on what to say to the Attorney for the Child.  If you have a child custody matter or child custody is part of your divorce, and have questions about what to say to the Attorney for the Child, then contact David Badanes, Esq., today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

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The Court’s Viewpoint on Children

by David Badanes |

When it comes to child custody and children, virtually every Judge has the same mindset.  The children did not ask for the divorce and they are the ones caught in the middle.  Here is what one Judge said and I would say every Judge agrees with the substance of this statement:

“Your children love you both. You’re fighting and arguing, especially in front of them, is not helping them. Each one of you is to blame. They don’t want to hear that daddy has a girlfriend and is screwing around. They don’t want to hear that all mommy wants is money and doesn’t care about you. Both mommy and daddy are someone they love. When you say something about someone they love, you hurt them. I don’t care what he did. I don’t care what she did. They need parents who do not fight in front of them. They need parents who do not state that the other parent is a “so and so”. If you want to fight, go out in the parking lot and do it in private and away from the children. If you want to yell at each other and call each other names, then do that in the parking lot and not in front of the children and not on social media. I don’t care what you do in private. But you are not going to fight in front of these children and you are going to stop the name calling.”

This Judge entered a very strict order that if either parent said anything negative about the other parent, either implied or explicitly on social media (Facebook, Instagram etc.) that he would put that in contempt of court.

The Judge’s statement applies to every divorcing parent. The worst thing you can do is to disparage your spouse, especially in front of your children. This will hurt your child custody case.

If you need real-world advice and you are getting divorced, contact David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C.  They have represented numerous individuals with divorces. Contact David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

Can A Child Choose Which Parent They Will Live With?

by David Badanes | September 23, 2022

There is a lot of misinformation about child custody disputes. Many clients are confused about when a child can choose to live with a parent.  In all child custody disputes, the Court considers many factors, including the child’s preference on which parent should be awarded custody.

One of those factors MAY be the child’s preference. However, the Court will weigh the child’s preference based on not only the child’s age, but the maturity of the child. As we all know, some children who are 13 years old are more mature than a child who is 15 years old.

The general rule is that the older a child is, the more influence a child’s preference will have on where they live. A child between the age of 13 and 16, will also have their preference seriously considered. Certainly, most Courts will state that once a child turns 16 years of age, their preference will be strongly considered. However, this is not an absolute rule, and a Court can decide that even a 16- or 17-year old’s preference is not to be followed or considered.

There is one absolute, once a child turns 18 years of age, they have the absolute right to decide where they want to live. This is because for legal custody purposes, once a child turns 18 years of age, they are considered an adult.  In contrast, in New York, a parent is obligated to pay child support until a child is 21 years old.  So, although where the child decides to live is up to the child, that decision will have a great effect on who pays child support.

If a child is younger than 13 years of age, most Courts will give little weight to that child’s preference.  However, even for younger children, there is still no absolutes.

What one Judge once said is true of all child custody cases: “There are no rules when it comes to child custody.”

Child custody and visitation can be a very difficult road to navigate. David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C., have represented numerous clients and helped them navigate child custody issue in their divorce or in their family court action. If you are seeking a divorce or custody, contact David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, P.C.  David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office’s phone number is 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

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Ten Quick Child Custody “Battle” Tips for Parents

by David Badanes | September 9, 2022

Here are ten quick tips on how to help you “win” your child custody case:

  1. Keep a Diary:  It can help build your case and potentially as evidence.
  2. Be careful what you say in text messages and emails: What you say can be used against you as evidence.
  3. Be careful on what you post on social media: Whatever you post can be used as evidence.
  4. If you live with the other parent, do not move out (until your attorney tells you that is is OK)
  5. Do not focus on the little things: If the other parent says that you “spoil” the child or that you don’t dress them appropriately.  The Court typically focuses on much more important and bigger issues.  The Judge doesn’t want to hear about such trivial disputes and issues.
  6. Drug or Alcohol Issue: Seek help and therapy immediately
  7. Follow Court Orders: During your Case, the Judge may issue some temporary order, it is important to follow all court orders.
  8. Do not represent yourself
  9. Listen to your attorney’s advice.  Too many times, clients “shoot themselves in the foot” by not listening to their attorney’s advice.
  10. Have patience:  The court process can sometime seem like it is going on forever, it is important to have patience.

When you are seeking child custody, there is a lot you need to know and a lot you can to do to help you win your case.

You need an experienced child custody attorney to help you in your child custody matter. David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. have helped numerous clients in obtaining child custody.

If you are seeking child custody or a divorce, then call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Suffolk County (Northport) and in Nassau County (Uniondale, across from the Nassau Coliseum).

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Why NOT Having An Attorney Can Hurt You

by David Badanes | September 8, 2022

Although, you have the right to represent yourself in your divorce or in any other legal matter, you do so at your own risk. Recently, I was in Court waiting for my case to be called. While waiting, there were two cases that were being handled by the Court in which one of the parties decided to represent themselves. Each of these cases provide a good example of why NOT having a divorce attorney can hurt you.

CASE #1: Child Custody Case

This was a child custody case. The Mother represented herself, while the Father had an attorney. They had one child together. Prior to the summer and prior to going to Court, the Mother had most of the parenting time with the child. However, for the summer, she decided to let the child spend most of the time with the Father.

Now, after the summer, the Father brings a petition for custody to the Court. The Judge asks a lot of questions to both sides. Then the Judge asked the ultimate question to the Mother, which was: “Do you want to continue to allow the Father to have most of the time with the Child once school starts?”

If the Mother had an attorney, she would have known that the best way to answer this question was a simple “No”, with the second best answer would have been “I need time to consider this question.”

Instead, without an attorney, the Mother asked the Judge: “What are my rights?”.  Since, the Judge can’t represent the Mother or give legal advice to the Mother, the Judge took this non-responsive answer as a way of saying that she was “OK” with the Father having the Child most of the time.

It was clear to me that without a child custody attorney, the Mother “froze” and was “unprepared” for the Court proceeding. With an attorney, the Mother clearly would have done much better.

CASE #2: DIVORCE CASE

This was a divorce case, where the Husband decided to represent himself and the Wife had an attorney. The parties had no children and so the only issues to be decided were the distribution of assets, spousal maintenance (alimony) and attorney fees.

Here, the Wife was the so-called “monied spouse”, as she earned significantly more income than the Husband. During testimony, the Husband testified that he owned the marital home prior to the marriage. It was only several years after the marriage that he put the Wife’s name on the Deed. What the Husband did not know was that his testimony was not sufficient to allow him to claim a credit for the portion of the home that was his “separate property.” If the Husband had a divorce attorney, the attorney would have brought forth evidence of how much the home was worth at the time he put the Wife’s name on the Deed. In this way, the Husband would have been entitled to a credit equal to that amount.

Because the Husband failed to put forth the correct evidence, he lost out on hundreds of thousands of dollars.

If you are getting divorced or have any issues involving children, you need an experienced attorney to represent your interests.  You might think that you can represent yourself, but, there are too many areas of the law where you can make a vital mistake.

David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. have represented hundreds of clients and can help you.  If you need an experienced divorce or child custody attorney, then call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.

The Badanes Law Office main office is in Northport, Suffolk County and he has a satellite office in Uniondale, Nassau County.

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Universal Children’s Day: Tips to Help Kids Cope with Divorce

by David Badanes | November 23, 2021

November 20th is Universal Children’s Day, a time dedicated to improving the welfare of all children. When two parents get divorced, children must transition into a new lifestyle as several aspects of their living situation are changed. Not seeing both parents all the time or having to split time spent with both of them may bring on a mix of emotions including feelings of confusion and guilt.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island shared his suggestions for co-parenting and helping kids cope with divorce in healthy ways.

Create a Parenting Plan: Keeping in contact with your former spouse will help proactively avoid confusion and conflict regarding custody dates and times outlined in the court order. It is important not to argue about child custody or visitation in front of your children. Once a plan is established, familiarize your child with the agreed-upon routine. This will help them find stability in all the changes going on around them. It is important for children to understand that both parents will still be present in their lives.

Keep Conversations Age Appropriate: Divorce impacts children of all ages. When talking to your children about the divorce, tailor the conversation to their understanding. Since kids develop emotionally at different rates, the way you discuss divorce with an elementary-aged school child is different than the way that you would introduce the topic to a college-aged child. No matter the age of your child, ensure them that they are still loved by both of their parents. Maintaining positive relationships with both parents will help with the coping process.

Validate Your Child’s Feelings: Every child responds to divorce differently. A school-aged child may react to the divorce with moodiness and a desire for their parents to get back together. Adolescents may experience depression, aggression, and trouble focusing on their work. Make sure to reassure your child that the feelings they are experiencing are normal. Being a good listener will go a long way in helping your child adjust. You may also want to consider counseling for you, your children or family counseling.

Keep Routines as Consistent as Possible: Children positively benefit from structure and routine. With all the changes that come along with a divorce, try and keep certain elements of their routine that are in your control consistent. It is also important to have a conversation with your child to see what they like or don’t like about their current routines to see if any positive changes can be made. Making certain changes within reason can help with adjusting to a new lifestyle as it allows your child to feel heard. If your children split time between two households, discuss rules and boundaries with your ex-spouse to enforce similar rules in both homes. This will prevent conflicts between child and parent and between former spouses.

The circumstances surrounding every divorce are different and it is up to you to decide what is right for your children. If you are having trouble figuring out your co-parenting situation and would like some advice, there are plenty of resources available to you, including counseling for yourself or your child.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702 or email at david@dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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Managing Divorce During Back-to-School Season

by David Badanes | August 11, 2021

The month of August officially marks back-to-school season.  No matter what grade your child is entering, back-to-school means last-minute supply shopping, the end of summer fun, and possibly concern and anxiety for children. This time can become even tenser when children are dealing with divorced parents making it even more important to do what you can to manage their stress levels.

David Badanes, Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared advice on how divorced parents should be prepared for their child going back to school.

  • Back to School Shopping: If you and your ex-spouse (or soon to be ex-spouse) get along, then perhaps go shopping together for “back to school items.” It will make everything less stressful for your child if they have both parents present and offering opinions on what to get for school.
  • Knowledge: Make sure you know the school’s academic calendar, your child’s schedule, and the contact information for their principal, counselor, and teachers. A point in time may come where you will need to contact them and knowing beforehand on how to do so will make everything more efficient.
  • Emergencies: Make sure both you and your ex-spouse are on the school’s emergency contact list. In case anything happens, one or both of you will be contacted immediately.
  • Attend: The last thing a child needs during this time is an absent parent. Make sure both you and your ex-partner attend parent-teacher night and any other school functions your child is in (school plays, athletic competitions, music).
  • Homework: If your child is with you during a school night, make sure they get their homework done. Falling behind in school is something you should try to prevent at all costs.
  • Consistency: Review home routines and rules with your ex-spouse. It is important to have consistent rules in both houses. It will make things more stressful for your child if the rules are completely different.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need a divorce lawyer to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our website: www.dbnylaw.com. The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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How Dads Can Get Visitation Time With Their Children on Father’s Day When Going Through Divorce

by David Badanes | June 16, 2021

When you go through a divorce, there are a lot of adjustments that need to be made, including time with your kids for holidays. When it comes to Father’s Day, parenting time for that day should go to the dad but enforcing this time might be difficult. If you are having difficulty getting your visitation time for Father’s Day, there are steps you can take to resolve the issue.

Mr. David Badanes Esq. of Badanes Law Office on Long Island has shared advice on how to navigate this difficult situation:

  • Document everything. You should keep a log of every time your ex prevents you from seeing your children and/or every time your ex is late returning your children. Make sure the log includes the date and a brief description of what happened. For example, an entry in the log might look like: 6/10/2021- Jane did not bring back our son. I texted her, she said he wasn’t feeling well, but, when I asked to speak to him, she refused to put him on the phone.
  • Have a conversation with your ex. When there is conflict surrounding visitation time, the first step is to discuss it with your ex. Ideally, the situation will be resolved outside of court for the sake of parents and children.
  • If you can’t reach a resolution, see an attorney. If discussions do not lead to change, then you should contact an attorney as soon as possible. If this step is necessary, don’t delay in taking it because time with your child will suffer if you wait. Keep in mind that your lawyer may want to send a letter first before going to court.
  • Continue with child support. If an existing court order is already in place, make sure you keep up with child support payments until a court issues an order changing the arrangement.
  • Do what you can in the meantime. If there are serious issues with not getting parenting time, this could take a while to change in court. And while this step is necessary, it doesn’t mean you stop being a parent in the meantime. Make plans to do fun activities with your kids on Father’s Day and do what you can to speak with them/spend time with them. If your intentional planning still doesn’t change the situation for this Father’s Day, tell your kids your plans for the future. This will let them know you want to spend time with them and are thinking about them.

Divorce can be messy, but the priority of both parents should be for the “mess” to affect the children as little as possible. However, because feelings are involved, a parent may believe they are acting in the child’s best interests even if they are not. This is why a lawyer is necessary in some cases to resolve conflicts between parents going through a divorce. While these negotiations may change what your Father’s Day looks like, remember that this day comes around every year, so there will be more opportunities to spend this special day with your kids the way you want to.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. provides real-world advice to help you through this challenging time. If you are contemplating getting a divorce, and need an attorney to represent you, call David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office today at 631-239-1702 or email at david@dbnylaw.com.

The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport, Suffolk County and Uniondale, Nassau County.

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The Super Bowl and Divorce

by David Badanes | January 26, 2021

The Super Bowl, what some people call the “true National Holiday.”  Even people who don’t care about football tend to watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. For divorcing couples who have children, the Super Bowl is one more issue that should be addressed in their divorce.

Since most divorces are settled, the parties will decide among themselves when they have the children.  Typically, for most holidays, the parties will alternate on a yearly basis.  For example, one spouse will get Thanksgiving on Odd years and the other spouse will get Thanksgiving on Even years.  In this way, each parent is treated fairly and they get to see their children for at least some of the holidays each year and will see their children for all the holidays every two years.

Whether or not the Super Bowl is important to you, it might be important to your spouse and/or in the future, you might change your mind.  You can treat the Super Bowl the same as any other holiday, by alternating which parent has the children for the “big game” on a yearly basis.  Alternatively, if both spouses agree, one spouse can have the Super Bowl every year with the children.

David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. makes sure that all the issues, even the Super Bowl, is discussed and handled in any divorce that involves children.  If you are seeking a divorce contact David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, P.C.  David Badanes has represented and helped numerous clients and can help you. To contact David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, call: 631-239-1702, email: david@dbnylaw.com or visit their web site at www.dbnlaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Suffolk County (Northport) and in Nassau County (Uniondale).

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The Rules For Relocating With Your Child

by David Badanes | January 19, 2021

Whether or not you can relocate with your child depends on many factors.  The first thing to consider is whether or not there is a custody order or a signed agreement which addresses this issue.

If the custody order directly states under what terms and conditions you can relocate, then those terms and conditions would first apply.  If the custody order does not directly state where you can relocate, then a different set of rules apply.

IF YOUR CUSTODY ORDER STATES WHERE YOU CAN RELOCATE, THEN …

Some custody orders (or agreements) will state that you can move within a certain location or within a certain radius of your current home.  For example, some custody orders might state that you can only relocate within the County you live in or within ten (10) miles of your current home.

If your custody order states where you can relocate, as long as you follow those “rules”, you can absolutely relocate to where the custody order states (in the above example, either within the County you live in or within ten miles of your current home).

If you want to relocate to an area that is not permitted under the custody order, then you have to get Court permission before you move.  You have to convince the Court that your relocation is in the best interest of the child.

However, even if your order or agreement gives you permission to move, the other parent can still go to Court to try to prevent you from moving.  Although, they would probably not succeed, if that parent can provide reasons why moving now is not in the best interest of the Child, then they may be able to prevent you from moving.

IF YOUR CUSTODY ORDER DOES NOT STATE WHERE YOU CAN RELOCATE, THEN …

However, if you want to relocate to a location that is not permitted under the custody order (or agreement), then you have the “burden of proof” to demonstrate why you should be able to relocate.

You first have to demonstrate why relocating is in the best interest of the child.  You cannot simply state that “I can make more income where I’m going to move” or “It is cheaper to live where I want to move to”.

Instead, you have to show that by moving to your new location, that it is better for the child.  You will also have to come up with a plan on how the other parent is going to have time with the child (after you move).

Although, each situation is different, some of the ideas on how to the other parent is going to have time with the child (after you move) are as follows:

  • Facetime (or Zoom) with the child on a frequent basis
  • Extended time when school is not in session
  • Every weekend
  • Every month (on a weekend)

If you are considering relocating or you want to prevent the other parent from relocating, then you should consult a Long Island child custody attorney.  David Badanes and the Badanes Law Office, P.C. has represented many clients who either wanted to relocate or were trying to prevent the other parent from moving.

If you need an experienced divorce attorney on Long Island, contact David Badanes, Esq. and the Badanes Law Office, P.C.  David Badanes can be contacted at 631-239-1702, email at david@dbnylaw.com or visit our web site: www.dbnylaw.com.  The Badanes Law Office has offices in Northport and Uniondale.

Please like us on Facebook to get important legal news, tips and articles: www.facebook.com/BadanesLawOffice.